You’re just a human being, you’re doing the best you can.

When we treat ourselves as a dear friend would, we are no longer completely absorbed in the role of the sufferer. Yes, it hurts, but also feel the attention, care, and compassion for yourself. Become both the giver and receiver of your own comfort. You are not only the pain you’re feeling in that very moment but also the heartfelt response from that pain.

It is a pragmatic decision to stop treating yourself disparagingly. We have only little influence on our innate nature, body type, health, living conditions, and other favorable or unfavorable conditions. But one thing we can do:

We can treat ourselves kindly when we reach our limits and make sure that we suffer less from these limits. Among the main options for treating ourselves more kindly, is the change to our negative and critical self-talk. Switch from using judgmental language to using more compassionate words. Marshall Rosenberg, author of the Book and the Concept of Non-Violent Communication (NVC), argues, to live in peace with ourselves, we should transform our inner dialogues to express compassion for our basic human needs. To achieve that Rosenberg recommends asking four questions in the following way:

1. What do I observe?
2. What do I feel?
3. What do I need at this moment?
4. Do I have a request for myself or someone else?

These four questions allow us to listen deep inside and see what our needs are at this moment. There are various tasks around this which should be practiced for several weeks. Over time, it will create a blueprint for how you treat yourself in the long run.